It’s stories like my mom’s hoarder friend that really make me want to find a way to help people who are struggling with hoarding. Â She’s an older lady who lives alone but she won’t let anyone in to fix the things that need to get fixed. Â I was able to go over once to change her lightbulbs because my mom convinced her that I knew all about the hoarding issues she was having.
She hardly has paths through the rooms anymore and now she doesn’t even have light to walk to the bathroom or let her dog out at night. She’s having a hard time getting around in the dark. Â I was only in her house that one time but my mom tells me that it keeps getting worse because she keeps shopping. Â She has a few friends that have been giving her a really hard time because they don’t understand which I’m sure isn’t helping her at all. My mom is getting very frustrated with her too because she can’t get her to let anything go.
My  mom and I keep saying that if we could help her get one small area cleared out, then maybe it would help motivate her.  It always helps me to see that there is hope.  It’s nice to see what it used to be like in that one special spot before the clutter overtook it.  I think about her a lot and wish that I could help her somehow.
The two things that drive my mom crazy are books and clothes. Â The friend spends $50-$100 every few weeks at the Half Price bookstore. Â There are books stacked on both sides of the hallways making it really hard to walk through. Â They are everywhere. Â She has a bunch of her clothes in the basement and my mom keeps saying that if she could get these clothes out, then they would have a place to put some of the books. Â I think they just need to go. Â I suggested putting one of those Little Libraries out front but she doesn’t want to do that either. Â I wonder why books are such a hard thing to get rid of? Â I struggle with getting rid of some of them too but not to the extent that she does. Â I know a few other people who hoard books also.
The clothes aren’t being worn because she can’t get to them with her physical limitations and all the books stacked on the stairs makes it too dangerous for her to even attempt going down there. Â I think that dealing with those two things could really get the ball rolling but now that she has shut everyone out, I don’t know how that will happen.
I think my mom is really running out of patience trying to help her and has nearly given up. Â Her friend lives over a half hour away so it’s not like she can go over there every day. Â The friend has to work on some of it herself and she doesn’t seem willing. It seems to me that she is trying to run from it. Â She probably doesn’t want to be home so she goes shopping but it’s only making her problem worse. Â When my house is a disaster, I don’t really like being there either.
I’d be interested to know what started the habit or when it started and if that’s usually the same or similar for most people. But maybe knowing the beginning can help bring an end somehow.
I’ve asked my mom tons and tons of questions already because I feel there has to be something there, some reason but we really haven’t come up with much.
In my case it’s my mum with the hoarding problem that I wish I could help with – same problems; each room gains more and more stuff with only a small pathway to get through. Any new space that gets cleared or becomes available (like when I moved out), gradually gets occupied. I used to like hoarding stuff so I can appreciate that being told do something about it isn’t helpful; the only way I can think of to help right now is by leading by example, hoping when she visits me occasionally she can see how much nicer it is to live with less stuff, and that her home could be like that too.
I keep telling my mom to take a camera and take a before and after picture for her. For some reason, I don’t really see the stuff when I look at it but when it’s in a picture, I can actually see it. That’s why I use my own pics in my posts. Maybe you should try that with your mom. I’d be interested to know how she reacts and if it helps at all.