My mom and I tried so hard to help a hoarder friend.
I tried to tell her that her house was a hazard and she didn’t seem to understand. But yet she did.
And still, she continued to bring things home everyday to the point where she couldn’t get onto the enclosed porch any longer. The trip from the door to the bedroom took her hours.
We never wanted anything more than to make it possible for her to get to her bedroom once her furnace was fixed, but she liked it that we created more space for her to bring things home. So the hoarding never got any better. We weren’t able to get through to her.
She’s been dropping subtle hints to my mom for awhile that she’d like our help again because it’s so hard for her to get to her bedroom. I live further away now and I’ve been incredibly busy. If she had made any improvements or tried to help herself at all, instead of hoarding even more, we would’ve made more of an effort to help her.
Or at least I would have but my mom was at her witt’s end.
The fall that changed everything
Last week, this friend fell between her bed and the pile of stuff filling her entire room and couldn’t get back up. She called my mom first but my mom doesn’t have the strength to lift her. Eventually, she had to call 911.
They came and helped her get up and then they left. We were very thankful to hear that but then, she fell again that same day and had to call them back. This time, they took her to the hospital.
And that’s where everything started taking a turn for the worst, or maybe the better. We don’t know how this is going to play out. No matter what happens, it’s all very frustrating.
Since she was in the hospital, she had to call a relative to lock up her house. No relatives have been there for many years so of course they freaked out. At the hospital, they told this friend that she had covid and she had to stay there for at least 10 days. Turns out that they never even tested her.
It was all a ruse to keep her there while they made different living arrangements for her. They called in financial people to see how much money they could take from her.
Now she’s locked in a nursing home while the relatives look for an apartment for her while they clean out her house for the next year. Supposedly.
I don’t think they have any intention of ever letting her go back home and I’m pretty sure they’re planning to call up junk haulers who are just going to throw everything away.
What does she think?
And her, well, she thinks it’s just going to take a few weeks to organize everything so she can move back home. She thinks they’re going to let her sit there and decide what stays and goes, like my mom and I did. She has no idea what’s about to happen.
It’s just all so sad and frustrating. Her house is paid off but now she’ll be paying rent somewhere. And no one is going to care about any of the collectibles that she’s accumulated.
So is it possible to help a hoarder? Do I regret the time I spent trying to help a hoarder? I’m sure it’s possible but sometimes decluttering just isn’t enough. And no, I don’t regret the time I spent there. At least she had a few months of space to get inside her house.
Do I wish I could’ve done more? Yes.
What does she want?
Do you want to know what she wants most of all? She wants to know where I put the M&M mugs that she had bought for my mom that have been missing since we were there last.
Maybe things will work out in the end.